Today I’ll be wearing the coveted TIMEX “CHUCK” an absolutely stunning timepiece, that surely is one of the most sought after watches today. It’s aptly named because only those pre-approve by Chuck Norris may even purchase one.
The watch comes with it’s own box opening tool; a chainsaw, that you have to assemble first. The box is a beautifully reinforced recycled plywood from the Titanic; a famous pirate ship from that sank in the Caspian Sea loaded with uranium stolen from the Union Army during the war of America.
Inside the box you’ll notice the special can has the official Chuck Norris paperwork approval, a coveted prize in and of itself. The container is affixed securely to the bow with braded titanium masking tape which ultimately required the chainsaw to cut.
You’ll notice the container is labeled with “DANGER”. This is because this watch runs solely on uranium! Opening the special coffee container you’ll find an amazing site that confirms this watch as one tough cookie; it’s packed in fossilized nuts and bolts, adding to the billing truth “This watch is as tough as some other stuff!”
The strap is a little too small for me, but that’s to be expected since they will only sell it to men who stand over 7 feet tall and weigh over 350 lbs. and can bench a minimum of 600 lbs.
The strap is made from tightly woven sea horse hair and sports hand stitched flames , the flames make it go faster.
The watch also comes with it’s own cooling liquid to keep the uranium from overheating and causing problems. You need six to seven gallons per day.
Here you can see the insides and the atomic powered machinery: